Many of us have participated in a Circle of Identity exercise during a workshop. It’s an excellent ice breaker and a good way of getting to know a group of people quickly. You’re asked to fill in five circles, each with a word that captures an identity that defines you. I know Mom, Daughter, Woman, Jew and White were always my five words. 

Mom and White are the words that have transformed me the most in the last 25 years. Mother’s Day is this Sunday, and it is a day that always puts me in a reflective place. Those reflections began last Monday when a friend gave birth to her first child. Babies magnify feelings of hope, fear, curiosity, and love. And, 25 years ago, I wondered what the future held for my new son.

There were milestones and hard days that stand out. There were also pivotal, transformative days. One day in the park, I remember pushing my then three-year-old on the swing, and next to us was a Black mom pushing her son’s swing. My son looked at the woman and announced, much to my embarrassment, “she has brown skin.” The woman was very kind and said, “he’s just observing.” At that moment, she was also teaching me that’s what children do…they observe.

When Trayvon Martin was killed at the age of 17, I remember being devastated for his family. My son was the same age, but I never had to have “The Talk” with my son that Sybrina Fulton had to have with Trayvon. Speaking with moms of Black and Brown boys they describe the heartbreaking process of seeing their beautiful boys grow into being perceived as threatening by society-at-large.

I feared talking about race with my son since no one spoke with me about it growing up; not at home and not in school. As a parent, I knew I needed to teach my son about race and racism, and his whiteness, in spite of not having these conversations when I was younger. It wasn’t until early in his life that I learned more about the history of this country, and learned how to talk about race. Some people think we focus too much on race and others believe we don’t learn and talk enough about it. The ability to understand another person’s experience and being able to talk across differences are much-needed skills. Fully understanding and celebrating our differences is the best path towards unity between groups of people.

The following is an excerpt from Tyler Perry’s recent speech when he accepted the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award, 

"My mother taught me to refuse hate. She taught me to refuse blanket judgment. And in this time and with all of the internet and social media and algorithms and everything that wants us to think a certain way…it is my hope that all of us will teach our kids…just refuse hate. Don't hate anybody."

That sentiment, so appropriate for Mother’s Day, might be a good place to start the conversation with ourselves, our families and our schools. 

All best,

Asian-Americans, Coronavirus, and the responsibility behind an Asian face: A Workshop with Justine Ang Fonte

 

We Can Be of Help in 2021-22 with the Following:

DEI and Curriculum Assessments

K-8 Racial Literacy Curriculum & Parent/Guardian Companion Guide

Corporate Workshops, Professional Development, and Parent Discussion Groups

Online Pollyanna Conference Models